


The violent cases of Momma-dragon Astrid (oneshot)

by vala411



Series: Domestic Hiccstrid [3]
Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:55:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28921674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vala411/pseuds/vala411
Summary: (Modern AU) Snippets from Astrid's married life and what she deals with sometimes when Hiccup is away on business trips.
Series: Domestic Hiccstrid [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2185482
Comments: 3
Kudos: 29





	The violent cases of Momma-dragon Astrid (oneshot)

**The violent cases of Momma-dragon Astrid**

_‘Few things are scarier than an angry mother’_ So goes the saying. Here are some of the examples Astrid had to deal with over the years while her husband was away on business trips.

**Case 1: Astrid vs The dress code**

“Mom please don’t kill anyone today,” Zephyr muttered as she sat nervously next to Astrid on the wooden bench in front of the Principal’s office. Astrid for all intended purposes looked about ready to gut someone with a ballpoint pen.

“Zephyr, mommy is really mad right now. Let mommy fume,” Astrid grumbled as her 12-year-old daughter took out her phone and started texting.

“I’ll just tell dad that he might need to talk to our insurance guy again,” Zephyr mumbled as she was typing.

Astrid’s foot was tapping on the hardwood floor when they were finally called inside. The Principal was seated behind his desk as usual and there was another male teacher in the room as well. “Mrs. Haddock, thank you for coming. Mr. Isles and I were just discussing your daughter’s violation and the consequences.”

“Let me get this straight, I got called in the middle of work only for me to hear that my daughter is in trouble, yet neither your secretary, the other admin staff, nor you have so far told me what rules she has broken and then you had the gall to make me wait outside in the hallway why you debated what punishment my Zephy would get as if she was already guilty?!” Astrid stood just inside of the office with her arms crossed while glaring at the Principal while Zephyr looked at the adults in the room with a frown. “My husband and I pay an exorbitant amount of money to this private school so our daughter can have the best education she can get yet I was not included in your discussion just now.”

“Mom,” Zephyr whispered. She knew her mother was about to blow a gasket.

“Zephyr did you use aunt Ruffnut’s glitter bombs again without permission?” Astrid asked.

“No….”

“What about uncle Dagur’s flour traps?”

“NO!” Zephyr denied. Sure she had thought about it but not that she’d actually use it on the mean girls.

She saw her mother then turn back to the Principal who was actually sweating in his seat now and ask “If it wasn’t those two things then why am I here?”

“Well, Mrs. Hofferson this concerns a dress code violation.” The Principal stated. “It was brought to my attention by Mr. Isles that her skirt reaches above her knees and thus isn’t school regulation.”

“Are both of you out of your potato-filled flipping minds?!” Astrid growled as her eyes narrowed. Beside her, Zephyr groaned. When her momma got like this…. Thor save them all.

“You are damn lucky my husband hid my axe,” She muttered as she glared at both men. “Let me just get your line of thinking straight. You are saying my daughter violated the dress code which consists of a school APPROVED uniform that you had every parent purchase?! A school uniform that every girl in this establishment wears because it is approved by the school board?!” She raised her eyebrow with incredulity here and crossed her arms.

“Mrs. Haddock with all due respect, our dress code still states that the skirts have to be below the knee.” The Principal tried to reason but it was to no avail.

“My daughter is 12 years old and is currently going through a growth spurt like all kids her age do!” Astrid countered with a glare. “Are you telling my daughter she has to stop growing just to satisfy this school? Furthermore, your uniform is only available in three sizes. The large skirt won’t fit her and the small one will rise higher! You also don’t allow parents to purchase other skirts of the same type because they don’t have the school logo on it!”

“We can’t have her skirt above the knee,” Mr. Isles commented. “She’ll be a distraction to the boys trying to learn!”

“IF THE LESBIANS CAN KEEP IT IN THEIR PANTS WHEN MY DAUGHTER WALKS BY THEN SO CAN THE FREAKIN’ BOYS!” Astrid shouted which caused the Principal and teacher to sputter.

“Zephyr go wait outside and close the door. Momma is going to have a five-minute talk with these men.” Astrid said in a dangerous tone.

“Should I call Aunt Heather to dispatch an ambulance?” The girl asked as she walked out of the office. The door closed before she could hear her mother’s answer though.

**Case 2: Astrid vs Baseball**

“Come on Nuff!” a 13 year old Zephyr shouted as her brother was slow at getting out of the car.

“The batting cages are still going to be there even if I don’t,” Nuffink retorted. For a 10 year old he seemed to be picking up his father’s sass.

Astrid closed the driver’s side door of her minivan and opened the back to take out Zephyr’s sports equipment. As she handed it off to the girl she looked at Nuffink and asked “You want yours too?”

“No mom, I got this,” Nuffink said as he waved a Nintendo Switch. Astrid sighed, Nuffink wasn’t the sporty type and would usually either sit behind his game all day or watch cartoons though she wished he would go outside for more fresh air. It might also be because over the years Zephyr had used her brother as target practice for about nearly every sport. Volleyball, Soccer, Street hockey, touch football, etc.

“Come on mom!” Zephyr was a ball of hyper energy as she walked in front of her brother. “Uncle Snotlout said that he put me on the list for Little League tryouts! I need to improve my batting!”

“Yes honey, you told me this a hundred times already,” Astrid mumbled.

The batting cages were outdoors and cordoned off by nets so any stray balls wouldn’t hit other players or spectators. As Zephyr checked her sneakers and bat after putting on her helmet her mother and brother found a bench to sit on. Nuffink was immediately engrossed in his Zelda game, ignoring the world around him while Astrid decided to finish her crossword puzzle as she kept an eye on her daughter.

“Well hello there miss,” A voice purred next to her. Astrid’s eyes went to the right to see a very muscular man take a seat next to her. “What’s a lovely young lady like you doing here?”

“Baseball,” Astrid deadpanned, crossing her arms while making sure her wedding ring was on full display. She often got this still, men hitting on her some hitting on her even when they see the ring.

“Same, I’m here with my nephew.” The man said and then reached out his hand to introduce himself “Ryker Grimborne by the way. My nephew is around your son’s age. Maybe they would like to throw the ball around a bit sometime.”

“My son doesn’t play. My daughter does,” Astrid looked the man in the eye as she tried to convey that she wasn’t interested. He seemed to be one of those guys that didn’t give up after seeing the ring.

Ryker’s whole demeanor actually changed when he heard it was Zephyr that played sports. He looked at the batting cages, seeing Zephyr hit ball after ball that flew out of the machine and still had the gall to comment “Maybe you should rethink your daughter’s interests. Baseball is a boys game, they get rough, she could get hurt.”

“Excuse me!” Astrid’s voice was so frosty it would have given Elsa from the Frozen movies Nuffink and Zephyr liked a run for their money. The crossword puzzle book Astrid had with her got rolled up in her hand as she glared at Ryker. “Did you just suggest that my daughter is too delicate to play with the boys?!” Astrid’s demeanor had gone from frosty to oncoming avalanche with each word spoken. Nuffink finally looked up from his game to notice his mother’s ‘Don’t mess with me’ face. He wisely left his seat and made his way over to his sister.

A few minutes passed and then he called out to Zephyr “Sis, we might get banned from this place,” Zephyr stopped and lowered her bat to frown at her little brother.

“Mom’s beating up some guy with her crossword puzzle,” Nuffink elaborated and then pointed towards the benches where Astrid indeed was…….. Venting her frustrations.

“Is she winning?” Zephyr asked which caused Nuffink to look more closely at the scene and answer “yeah,”

Zephyr then shrugged and went back to her batting as if it was the most normal thing in the world. Her mother had told her that she only became violent for three reasons, if Hiccup dared to cheat, which he didn’t, if her kids were involved, thus bringing out momma-dragon or if she got annoyed by idiots. Since it would never be the first one then the other two are the most obvious choices.

**Case 3: Astrid vs The new neighbour**

Astrid was humming to herself as ‘In the Navy’ played on the stereo while she was vacuuming the couch with one of those handheld vacuums she bought from the home shopping network. She did grumble at all the pet hair that had stayed behind. Toothless, their oh so lovely and gigantic Maine Coon, had recently claimed the couch as his castle and only tuna could get him off. The kids enjoyed using the very hairy cat as a pillow while watching cartoons and Astrid gleefully observed the not-amused expression on the feline.

Speaking of the kids, from the living room window she could see them playing in the front yard. She kept an eye on them as Zephyr was seven while Nuffink was only four. Even if Zephyr said that she could watch her brother Astrid still worried. The two were crouched over a small pail of water while giggling. Hiccup had gifted Zephyr with three Barbie mermaid dolls that changed hair color when dipped in water. Astrid let them play with that but not in the house. Last time she did water had spilled onto her good rug while she had company over.

Going back to the task at hand she took her eyes off of them for possibly a minute, shooing away Toothless who was warily prowling around her due to the loud vacuum noise. It was then that she heard her baby crying.

Astrid looked up and out of the window where she could see her new neighbour that had moved in the week previous, a heavy-set woman with her hair done up in a bun, towering over her kids. Not only had the woman trespassed onto her yard, she had a gate and fence for reasons, she had also caused her kids to be agitated. Nuffink was crying while Zephyr was doing her best Mad-Mommy impersonation while the woman was holding one of the Barbie dolls.

“GIVE IT BACK!” Astrid heard her daughter yell as she rushed out, vacuum still in hand.

“What in Thor’s name is going on here?!” Astrid asked as she approached. “Lady you better have a good reason for trespassing and causing my kids to cry!”

“Mommy she took Nuffink’s doll and said she wouldn’t see him turn into a sissy!” Zephyr exclaimed as Astrid saw tears well up in her daughter’s eyes.

“WHAT?!” Astrid was fuming to say the least. She turned towards the woman and demanded she return the toy and leave her property.

“How can you as a mother condone this?!” The woman instead exclaimed. “Dolls are for girls! If the boy plays with them he’s going to turn gay!”

“Listen here you nose-job-sporting-blob-of-manure! You give that toy back, apologize to my kids and get the hell off my property before I do more than maim you!” Astrid hissed. “My son can play with whatever the hell he wants and you should mind your own damn business!”

At this point Astrid was holding the portable vacuum like an axe. The woman, oblivious to the danger she was in, actually had the gall to retort “I’m just doing you a favor. My son wouldn’t be caught dead playing with dolls.”

“I truly pity your son. To grow up with such a witch of a woman,” Astrid growled as she struck. The woman was trespassing, had stolen her childrens’ toys and had ignored her warning. As to what came next….. She had every right to inflict it. No one made her babies cry.

**Case 4: Astrid vs The local supermarket**

Astrid didn’t dread a lot of things. Probably the one thing she did was shopping with the kids. Nuffink was currently 5 years old while Zephyr was 8. She was so glad that they were so well behaved, mainly because incurring their mother’s wrath was a big no-no and they both knew it. She was the strict one, Hiccup was the fun one it seemed. Still the sound of a child having a temper tantrum in a store set Astrid on edge.

While her kids were at that age of hyperactivity they weren’t prone to act out. Besides, the local Berkian supermarket had toys but apparently not the ones her kids were interested in. So both her son and daughter were standing next to her cart as she picked up leeks. Nuffink made a face while Zephyr looked on bored out of her mind.

“Mom, what’s a Tamagotchi?” Zephyr suddenly asked.

Astrid blinked and then looked where her daughter was pointing. The store had hung up a sign advertising some new merchandise. She guessed they might have caught on and updated their toy stock a bit.

“It’s a virtual pet that was popular in the 90’s.” She explained to her kids. Nuffink now too was looking at the sign. “You feed it and play with it and it evolves.”

“Like a Digimon?” Nuffink exclaimed.

“I guess,” Astrid thought. “Though it can also die if you don’t take care of it,” And boy did she know about that. Astrid had killed her fair share of Tamagotchis when growing up.

“Why don’t both of you go pick up one,” She suggested. It would give the kids some sense of responsibility by learning to look after a pet that beeps every few minutes. Sure they had Toothless, their fluffy but grumpy Maine Coon, but that cat was more a reluctant pillow than something the kids looked after.

“Stay together!” Astrid called out as Zephyr and Nuffink eagerly went a few aisles over to pick out a Tamagotchi. Astrid grabbed some carrots and broccoli, along with some grapes before going that way herself. She was just out of the produce section when she heard Nuffink’s cry of “Let my sis go!” This caused Astrid to abandon her cart and rush over to the toys section. When she got there her eyes darkened at the scene.

A young shop attendant was gripping Zephyr’s arm, painfully, Astrid observed, Nuffink was shouting at him and a man and a younger boy close to tears were watching the whole thing.

“YOU LET MY DAUGHTER GO YOU MULCH EATING DUNG BEETLE!” Astrid growled dangerously as she stomped over. The employee was startled while Zephyr shouted “Mommy!”

Astrid proceeded to wrench Zephyr’s arm free and shot a glare at the attendant before asking in a cold tone “What the hell is going on here?”

“You’re these kids’ mother?” the man that had stood by asked contemptuously. “You should teach these little thieves some manners,”

“My children would never steal!” Astrid defended as she glared at the man. “How dare you!”

“My son told me!” The man, obviously the father of the boy a bit younger than Zephyr, stated. “She took the toy he chose out of his hands and when he wanted her to give it back she threw it at his head!”

“You liar!” Nuffink now shouted close to tears. “He pushed me and took Zephy’s toy!”

“How dare you accuse my daughter of stealing!” Astrid growled before turning to the shop employee. The young man took a step back when faced with Astrid’s fury. “And you!” She rounded on the man. “How dare you grab a child’s arm like that! By Thor there are bruises forming!”

“That’s how you deal with thieves!” The boy’s father proclaimed.

Astrid had enough, she was this close to bashing that man’s haughty attitude in with one of those frozen hams. “I want to see the security video,” She demanded of the employee.

“It’s just going to confirm what my son said.” The man muttered and then ignored Astrid by turning to the shop employee and asking him to ban these thieves from the store.

“I have a right to see that footage. If what you say is true then you have nothing to lose now do you,” Astrid shot back.

The young employee gulped as he looked between the haughty man and the very murderous woman. Astrid however wasn’t waiting and picked up her kids before briskly walking to the customer service desk.

“Mommy I didn’t steal,” Zephyr mumbled. “You believe me right,” she was close to sobbing and Astrid reassured her that she would get this matter sorted.

When she had finally explained the matter at hand to the customer service employee a manager was called. All parties involved were brought towards the offices where they would check the video. The man was still smug and his son was teasing Zephyr saying she’d be arrested which only made Astrid’s little girl cry. As a mother her patience was already a very thin thread. The man’s smugness however changed when the video footage showed his son being the one to cause problems. This hellspawn of a boy actually had the gall to push Nuffink away from the display case and yank the Tamagotchi Zephyr had chosen out of her hands. Her daughter hadn’t taken it well and had stepped on the boy’s foot before retrieving her toy. The boy then ran out of the toy aisle and straight to his father who was having a discussion with the young shop employee nearby.

The father turned to his son to angrily ask why he had done that and the boy actually wailed in the small offices that he wanted that particular Tamagotchi because the others weren’t blue. To say the man was embarrassed was an understatement. Astrid still hadn’t gotten an apology for her kids and cracked her knuckles. It was time for Momma-Dragon to pounce and both the father, the employee and even that obnoxious boy would feel her wrath.

Needless to say, Nuffink and Zephyr weren’t banned, the hellspawn was grounded for a month and the store employee decided retail wasn’t for him. And When Astrid had finished, even the Managing Director had phoned up to apologise to her. Nuffink and Zephyr got their Tamagotchis though they weren’t very good at taking care of them.

**Case 5: Astrid vs The PTA**

“Mom…. Mom pleeeeaaasee don’t maim anyone!” A 17-year-old Zephyr pleaded as she followed her mother into the school gym where the PTA meeting was being held. Zephyr seemed quite used to her mother’s protective nature by now. She was a momma-dragon because momma-bears wouldn’t use a stapler as a projectile when a scathing letter from the PTA got handed to them.

The meeting was already underway and heads turned at Astrid’s and Zephyr’s rather loud entry. Astrid was glaring at the committee as she walked to the podium and smacked the letter in front of them. All the while Zephyr was blushing and trying to find a corner to hide. “What is the meaning of this?” Astrid nearly growled. Her eyes were on Stacey who was the PTA head.

“As you may have read, that is a letter informing you of your daughter’s indiscretion. The PTA with support from the school administration regularly does locker checks to ensure that no weapons or other harmful substances are brought in.” Stacey remained rather calm and haughty in front of Astrid but that was only because the two women had gone to the same schools since kindergarten. It didn’t mean they liked each other, it just meant that Astrid had to turn up her death glare a notch.

“My daughter doesn’t do drugs and she certainly doesn’t bring any weapons to school,” Astrid stated.

“During the locker search, three condoms were found inside your daughter’s locker. That is entirely unacceptable,” Stacey stated with her hands folded on the table.

“Condoms?! Condoms?! That’s what this letter is about?! I thought she was running an illicit gambling den by the wording of this letter!” Astrid’s hands were on her hips now and Zephyr who had stayed near the door groaned as her mother’s voice carried through the gym.

All eyes were on Astrid and Stacey as they squared off. Even the other council members were ignored. You could cut the tension with a knife. “Stacey are you right in your head or has the years as a suburban housewife made you a prude?” Astrid asked. “I’m proud that my daughter has condoms!”

“It’s scandalous!” Stacey uttered.

“What’s scandalous is you trying to start a wave of teen pregnancies by denying these girls access to condoms!” Astrid pointed her finger at Stacey and poked her on the nose. “They are teens! Things happen! We aren’t there constantly and this way at least we know they are responsible,”

“They should be focusing on their education!” Stacey yelled back as she shoved her chair backwards and glared at Astrid.

“Like you did when you were sleeping with the quarterback in sophomore year?” Astrid shot back with a raised brow.

The whole crowd ‘oohed’ while Zephyr choked at her mother’s words. It was safe to say that that burn BBQ’ed Stacey as she was sputtering but no sound came out. Astrid left the letter on the table and then turned and walked out of the stunned room with her daughter. It was safe to say that that meeting ended up being one of the most memorable for years to come.

**Case 6: Astrid vs The Boyfriend**

Zephyr, at age 19, had barricaded herself in the bathroom of the frat house where the party was taking place. The music beat could still be heard from the second floor though the room was filled with her sobs.

“Sis, you think you can come out?” Nuffink, now 16, had literally begged his sister to take him to one of her college parties though he had to promise his parents that he wouldn’t drink any alcohol or it would be his hide on the chopping block. “He’s a jerk, he doesn’t deserve you!” Nuffink then added.

“I know but I can’t stop the tears!!” Zephyr wailed. “How could he?!” She continued sobbing at the fact that she got dumped tonight right as the party was in full swing. Her stupid, now ex-, boyfriend wanted to get frisky but she refused so he dumped her on the dancefloor while telling her that he had waited long enough for her to ‘put out’ so to speak.

Nuffink of course who was trying to not be awkward at a college party saw all of this and when his sister started crying he tried to deck the guy, only to receive a punch to the face in return.

The most embarrassing part of it all, the ex had proceeded to hook up with a busty brunette and went upstairs to one of the rooms, rubbing it in Zephyr’s face that she could easily be replaced. And now here they were, Zephyr locked in the bathroom and Nuffink just outside of it.

“Zeph,” Nuffink called out from the other side of the door. “Something I forgot to tell you….”

“What?!”

“I texted mom when you locked yourself in,” Nuffink nervously stated. “She was asking me for information on the situation up until fifteen minutes ago…..”

“WHAT?!” Zephyr now shouted. Knowing their mother….. There was a crash heard downstairs. It sounded like wood breaking and was followed by a shout of “PARTY IS OVER! WHERE IS THE BASTARD THAT DARED TO HURT MY BABIES?!” momma-dragon will always be momma-dragon…

**The End**

**Disclaimer:**  
_Despite evidence to the contrary, no really annoying people were killed during the making of this. Several were maimed and are now in therapy. The store employee moved state and the PTA needed a new president after Stacey decided to move to Alaska. Toothless was still being a floofy grump and hogging the couch while the neighbour promptly got the hell out of dodge._

**The End….. for real this time :)**


End file.
